On this site you can find samples of my writing that should entice you to offer me creative opportunities beyond my wildest dreams in exchange for my soul. We will both get what we want. You will also be Satan. We’ll have a good working relationship, and I won’t be afraid to high-five you in public. My friends won’t get sick of hearing me talk about you, because I won’t have friends anymore. I will devote all my love and compassion to you and only you. We’ll text at random times during the day when I’m at work. You’ll send me memes that I don’t find funny, but I’ll type lol anyway and then delete it and type haha. I will do this so you don’t mistake lol for some esoteric speaking of tongues which might suggest I’m more into some southern God than the mighty Satan. Together we can live the dream is what I’m trying to say.