Overheard in Woods

VOICE 1
Plenty of possibilities here for all of you to discuss what we should kill.
VOICE 2
We shouldn’t do the killing thing. Let’s do the loving thing, man.
VOICE 1
You’re high. You would say that.
VOICE 2
Yeah I totally would. I did. I said it. What’d I say again?
VOICE 1
They can’t all stay. There’s simply too many. I ran through all the possible scenarios and what I say is true.
VOICE 2
Let’s just say what you say you is true —
VOICE 1
I just did.
VOICE 2
And that being said we could design a play to decide what to do. Yeah. A play. Love plays. Oliver. That was dope.
VOICE 1
Does anyone have any ideas that aren’t stupid?
VOICE 2
I do.
VOICE 1
Ugh. What is it?
VOICE 2
We could design a play to decide what —
VOICE 1
No! Why on earth? Why would we — we’re not putting on a play.
VOICE 2
Why not? You’re missing out. Have you ever been in a play?
VOICE 1
Of course you don’t understand no.
VOICE 2
It’s like finding you’re purpose. You’re part of a team like the Apollo crew. Or like the Rocky crew.
VOICE 1
We don’t need a team to kill. We just have to decide somehow what to kill here.
VOICE 2
So I got an idea for that.
VOICE 1
If you say a play…
VOICE 2
Check this out. Even better. A ritual.
VOICE 1
I don’t wanna perform any sort of–
VOICE 2
Hear this brain in action.
(pause)
VOICE 1
Okay.
VOICE 2
Do you hear it?
VOICE 1
Hear what?
VOICE 2
My brain. Listen closely.
VOICE 1
I’m gonna smash your brain. Tell me what that sounds like. Get over here.
VOICE 2
Okay. No. Don’t do that! I got it. I had to wait for the brain goblins to process the thoughts into words that I can use.
VOICE 1
And?
VOICE 2
A ritual will help us to make the correct decision because we’ll be choosing based off of the universe’s guidance, man.
VOICE 1
The universe is going to guide us?
VOICE 2
Yeah. I guess. I mean it made sense in my brain before I said it. I trust it though. I believe in…me.
VOICE 1
I suppose if we let the universe decide for us that would remove any guilt we have for feeling responsible.
VOICE 2
Dude, I haven’t been responsible for anything in like a long time.
VOICE 1
A quick ritual it is then. Nothing fancy. Some words. Some actions. Some death.
VOICE 2
As part of the ritual though. So it’s like unavoidable.
VOICE 1
I’ll play the role of the father figure. You can play —
VOICE 2
I wanted to play the father figure.
VOICE 1
But you’re a girl. Don’t you wanna be the virgin or —
VOICE 2
Not a virgin.
VOICE 1
Yeah. Okay.
VOICE 2
I’m the father figure. You can be the holy ghost who doesn’t do shit but is praised anyway.
VOICE 1
Then why don’t you be the holy ghost?
VOICE 2
I want power. I wanna destroy shit.
VOICE 1
What kind of ritual do you think we’re doing?
VOICE 2
A murder ritual right? Let’s do it!
VOICE 1
This is more of a sacrifice chosen by the universe. We’re doing it this way to avoid responsibility. Remember?
VOICE 2
Whatever, dude. I’m high, but like I’m not high.
VOICE 1
That only makes sense to you because you’re high.
VOICE 2
We should do a scene where I drool.
VOICE 1
Okay. So I’m the holy ghost apparently. That makes you the father. I have a feeling I’m gonna regret this.
VOICE 2
Oh yeah. Me too.
VOICE 1
I’ll start I guess by annoucing myself. That seems reasonable.
VOICE 2
Hurry up.
VOICE 1
I am the holy ghost. The universe will guide the hands of the father to assist in your sacrifice to me in exchange for good fortune.
VOICE 2
Good fortune? That’s kinda vague. Fortunes are always crappy. What about jet skis or something?
VOICE 1
Forget this. This isn’t working.
VOICE 2
No. We just need robes and beards and stuff.
VOICE 1
This is silly. We’re just fooling around now.
VOICE 2
Put on this blanket and act bearded. I’ll wear this tarp.
VOICE 1
Huh. I feel esoteric. Maybe there’s something to this.
VOICE 2
Change your hair. Let’s shave the middle part.
VOICE 1
What? Why the middle?
VOICE 2
I don’t want to. But if we want to let God in we have to shave the middle.
VOICE 1
That makes sense actually.
VOICE 2
Yeah. That looks sweet. Look at me.
VOICE 1
We’re gonna do this.
VOICE 2
Zip.
VOICE 1
Zop.
VOICE 2
Someone ate the children! My soul is ruined. Why have I come to this road in my life? How do I bring jet skis into my life to make up for the sadness of my eaten children!
VOICE 1
Yes! So glad someone finally asked for my assistance. Spin four times in tune with the planet. One for each season.
VOICE 2
Oh my. Whose voice is that I hear?
VOICE 1
It is I the holy ghost.
VOICE 2
I can hardly believe it. Show yourself to me this instant!
VOICE 1
Behold! It is I in the flesh. See me with your mortal eyes.
VOICE 2
This is — it must be — a trick of the light.
VOICE 1
It is no trick. I am here now to guide —
VOICE 2
Blasphemy! That’s not even a real robe you’re wearing. What is that a blanket?
VOICE 1
A blanket? What this was —
VOICE 2
How dare you come into my house

Published by tony espino

a human. for now.

2 thoughts on “Overheard in Woods

  1. Did the father figure just slam dunk the holy ghost?!
    I like how the voices maintain their authenticity throughout the conversation.
    It’s wise to never be at the end of a surprise. Especially a rotten one.
    Great imagination and story, Tony. 🙂

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