Unthinkable Cramps | Mac, Nova & The New Guy

Mac stands by the water cooler. The final minutes of his break. He breathes as if cherishing every breath of these final moments of freedom. He stares at something out the window in the distance. Nova approaches and slaps him on the back. 

Nova: What’s up, buddy? Your hologram is tight. You sure were a lively looker when you started here.

Nova pours a cup of water and stares in the cooler, mesmerized. 

Mac: Yeah. I guess. Did you turn it off when you were done?

Nova: Yes. Of course I turned it off. Don’t worry. What do you think I’m some sort of asshole?

Mac: I just don’t like—last time Marcus left it on and I don’t like going back and seeing myself like that. 

Nova: Well it’s turned off dude. So you can relax. Stare into this water cooler with me. There’s some weird shit going on in here. A whole damn universe. 

Mac: That house has been on fire forever. 

Nova: Nice. Now you’re getting it. 

Mac: What? No. Out there. 

Mac points out the window. Nova follows his finger to a burning house. The flames appear frozen in time. 

Nova: Either I’m really high or…nope I’m really high. 

Mac: It’s been like that for days now. No one’s bothered doing anything about it.

Nova: I think it’s beautiful. This town could use a little fancy art. 

Their boss, a featureless white blob in a suit, shoves himself between them. He’s dragging a man by a chain around his neck. 

Boss: You two. I’d like you to meet your new coworker.

Mac and Nova take a deep sigh and turn to greet their new coworker. 

Boss: Five minutes and it’s back to work.

The boss leaves and the new employee extends his hand.

Geronimo: Hi. I’m Geronimo. Nice to meet you. And you. Both of you. Lady and gentleman. I’m so excited. I always wanted to work here. What’s it like? You guys…I mean guys and gals must love it here. I’ve heard so much about this place. Is it —

Nova: Whoa. Easy there…Geronimo. Um…first of all: hate that energy. I mean read the room, buddy. Second of all: No. Why are you here?

Geronimo: According to my psychic medium friend she says I’m here to bring peace and love as the reincarnation of Stella the pig. 

Nova turns to Mac.

Nova: I figured it out. This is a mental institution. I knew it. I’m the only normal one stuck in this place with a bunch of loonies. Geronimo, you do drugs. Yeah?

Mac: I’m sorry. Did you say you used to be a pig?

Nova: Come on, Mac Baby. You can’t see it? Look at that nose. Turn around, Geron. Let’s see that pig ass. Let me hear you squeal.

Geronimo: Stella was worshipped in ancient Mesopotamia. She was thought to bring love and prosperity to all her followers. They held festivals in her honor every lunar cycle. I know it sounds weird, but I feel her in me all the time.

Nova: That’s not weird at all. I still feel pigs I was with inside me too. Maybe we have some stuff in common after all.

Mac: I think what Nova was asking was, why are you here? As in this office? 

Nova: I mean after that answer do you really care?

Mac: It’s just…someone like you. Maybe…you shouldn’t…rather…you don’t belong here. There’s still hope for you. Run now while you can.

Geronimo: More like run to my desk so I can hurry up and work. I visited this place six months ago and knew I had to be a part of this exhibit. 

Mac: But there’s no open desks for you to run to.

Geronimo: Right there. There will be. That’s what the white blob said.

Geronimo points to the cubicle next to Mac and Nova’s. 

Nova: Oh no! Carlos! My Carlos! My Carlos! Nova’s coming. Everything’ll be okay.

She turns to Geronimo.

Nova: I don’t know what you are. But you need to stay away. Here I come, Carlos!

Nova speeds off to Carlos. 

Geronimo: Well, she seems nice. 

Mac watches Nova console Carlos and his fading body at his desk. His body becoming more and more translucent. Mac shakes his head in disappointment. 

Geronimo: So what do I do with this chain? Do I get to keep it? Is there a chain room everyone hangs them in? It is pretty cool. I like it. Feels nice. Little heavy, but at least they’re not cheap around here. Oh my god. Is it a new thing? Are you jealous? Should I go ask the white blob if it’s a new thing? I can see if I can get you one. Or do you just want mine? 

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