VOICE 1 Tell me how that's important at a time like this? VOICE 2 As if I could say words right now that would justify this whole situation to someone like you. VOICE 1 Someone like me? VOICE 2 Yeah someone like you. Someone like - VOICE 1 Like someone who's gonna kick your ass. VOICE 2 Like an alien from another star system altogether. VOICE 1 I have drugs in my body. VOICE 2 Is that why you're so annoying? VOICE 1 Oh excuse me? VOICE 2 I'm kidding. A joke. Like Steve Martin. VOICE 1 Steve Martin doesn't have to tell people when he's joking. VOICE 2 That's the drugs talking. VOICE 1 The drugs. Me. What's the difference? VOICE 2 You're not you when you're riddled with whatever you're on. VOICE 1 Very astute of you. I am beyond human when I'm high. Which is quite the appeal of drugs. VOICE 2 You need a haircut. VOICE 1 You need a haircut. VOICE 2 Don't get mad. I'm just saying it might make you feel better. Might not need to get high so much. VOICE 1 It might make me feel? No thank you. VOICE 2 This guy I follow on twitter said doing things like working out, buying new clothes getting a haircut remind you of your humanness and like make you respect that and you start to feel grateful and happy. VOICE 1 Is this your clever way of trying to get drugs out of me by making me puke? VOICE 2 No. VOICE 1 Not a real question. VOICE 2 You're high how would you know? VOICE 1 Got lil goblin voices telling me so in my head. VOICE 2 I hope you're joking right now. VOICE 1 You tell me, Steve Martin. VOICE 2 I have scissors. I can totally cut your hair. VOICE 1 So you think I get high because I have low self esteem like I don't value myself enough? VOICE 2 In so many words. Yeah. VOICE 1 And manipulating the length of my hair will change that? Have you presented these findings to a scientific journal for review? VOICE 2 I told you it's a guy I follow on twitter. He's like a genius or whatever. VOICE 1 I guess people believe whatever's in a twitter bio. VOICE 2 People believe the truth. He doesn't even need to put it in his bio because everything he writes reflects his pure genius. VOICE 1 But is it in his bio? VOICE 2 Whatever. Let me just cut your bangs. VOICE 1 I don't have bangs. Get away from me with those scissors. VOICE 2 They'll understand. Tell them you were high. VOICE 1 Who? Tell who? VOICE 2 Whoever you've been talking to this whole time. VOICE 1 You. You want me to tell you? Are you sure you're not the one-- VOICE 2 On drugs. VOICE 1 I can finish my own sentences. I'm all grown up. We're not like a duo performing for vaudeville. This isn't like a thing, okay? I'm just trapped in here with you. VOICE 2 That's a lie. You're on some other planet as I've mentioned earlier. I'm on this little place called earth trying to anchor you down so you don't fly off into the void for - VOICE 1 All eternity. And yet it's the only place that feels like home. VOICE 2 Earth could feel like home if you let me cut those bangs. VOICE 1 I don't trust you with scissors. How do I know you won't slip and cut my heart out? VOICE 2 You just have to trust that I read an article and that if anything bad happens I have krazy glue. VOICE 1 Can I sniff it? VOICE 2 Is that a real question? VOICE 1 Of course it's a real-- VOICE 2 Because the other one wasn't. If I was in your head right now-- VOICE 1 You're not in my head right now. VOICE 2 But if I was. Would I know that's a real question? VOICE 1 Would you know if you were in my head? VOICE 2 Would you know? VOICE 1 Uh yeah. I would fucking know. If it suddenly got too crowded in there I would be the first to know. VOICE 2 Too crowded how? VOICE 1 Like more than one voice too crowded. VOICE 2 What if that one voice was always someone else's voice? Say my voice. VOICE 1 I'd say you're fucking high. Not me. VOICE 2 For all you know. The voice you've grown so used to has been me. And whatever voice you think is yours is actually the imposter. VOICE 1 Impossible theory. Also I told you I would be the first to know if it was too crowded up in this steel trap of my mind. VOICE 2 The doors to our minds are always open. Not so much a steel trap as it is a straw hut. VOICE 1 You gonna lecture me about something containing a metaphor about a big bad wolf? VOICE 2 I can't really explain it like the guy on twitter did. VOICE 1 Cause he's a genius. VOICE 2 He is. VOICE 1 So none of that was you? VOICE 2 What you mean? VOICE 1 Like here I am thinking this is the most interesting you've ever been. Nutty as hell but interesting. Turns out it wasn't really you. VOICE 2 But it was me. It came from my mouth. VOICE 1 Yeah but that twitter dude was in your head. His voice not yours. VOICE 2 I wouldn't really say-- VOICE 1 Listen, I won't hold it against you. VOICE 2 Hold what against me? VOICE 1 Being interesting. I'll strike it from the record.
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