VOICE 1
Tell me how that's important at a
time like this?
VOICE 2
As if I could say words right now
that would justify this whole
situation to someone like you.
VOICE 1
Someone like me?
VOICE 2
Yeah someone like you. Someone like
-
VOICE 1
Like someone who's gonna kick your
ass.
VOICE 2
Like an alien from another star
system altogether.
VOICE 1
I have drugs in my body.
VOICE 2
Is that why you're so annoying?
VOICE 1
Oh excuse me?
VOICE 2
I'm kidding. A joke. Like Steve
Martin.
VOICE 1
Steve Martin doesn't have to tell
people when he's joking.
VOICE 2
That's the drugs talking.
VOICE 1
The drugs. Me. What's the
difference?
VOICE 2
You're not you when you're riddled
with whatever you're on.
VOICE 1
Very astute of you. I am beyond
human when I'm high. Which is quite
the appeal of drugs.
VOICE 2
You need a haircut.
VOICE 1
You need a haircut.
VOICE 2
Don't get mad. I'm just saying it
might make you feel better. Might
not need to get high so much.
VOICE 1
It might make me feel? No thank
you.
VOICE 2
This guy I follow on twitter said
doing things like working out,
buying new clothes getting a
haircut remind you of your
humanness and like make you respect
that and you start to feel grateful
and happy.
VOICE 1
Is this your clever way of trying
to get drugs out of me by making me
puke?
VOICE 2
No.
VOICE 1
Not a real question.
VOICE 2
You're high how would you know?
VOICE 1
Got lil goblin voices telling me so
in my head.
VOICE 2
I hope you're joking right now.
VOICE 1
You tell me, Steve Martin.
VOICE 2
I have scissors. I can totally cut
your hair.
VOICE 1
So you think I get high because I
have low self esteem like I don't
value myself enough?
VOICE 2
In so many words. Yeah.
VOICE 1
And manipulating the length of my
hair will change that? Have you
presented these findings to a
scientific journal for review?
VOICE 2
I told you it's a guy I follow on
twitter. He's like a genius or
whatever.
VOICE 1
I guess people believe whatever's
in a twitter bio.
VOICE 2
People believe the truth. He
doesn't even need to put it in his
bio because everything he writes
reflects his pure genius.
VOICE 1
But is it in his bio?
VOICE 2
Whatever. Let me just cut your
bangs.
VOICE 1
I don't have bangs. Get away from
me with those scissors.
VOICE 2
They'll understand. Tell them you
were high.
VOICE 1
Who? Tell who?
VOICE 2
Whoever you've been talking to this
whole time.
VOICE 1
You. You want me to tell you? Are
you sure you're not the one--
VOICE 2
On drugs.
VOICE 1
I can finish my own sentences. I'm
all grown up. We're not like a duo
performing for vaudeville. This
isn't like a thing, okay? I'm just
trapped in here with you.
VOICE 2
That's a lie. You're on some other
planet as I've mentioned earlier.
I'm on this little place called
earth trying to anchor you down so
you don't fly off into the void for
-
VOICE 1
All eternity. And yet it's the only
place that feels like home.
VOICE 2
Earth could feel like home if you
let me cut those bangs.
VOICE 1
I don't trust you with scissors.
How do I know you won't slip and
cut my heart out?
VOICE 2
You just have to trust that I read
an article and that if anything bad
happens I have krazy glue.
VOICE 1
Can I sniff it?
VOICE 2
Is that a real question?
VOICE 1
Of course it's a real--
VOICE 2
Because the other one wasn't. If I
was in your head right now--
VOICE 1
You're not in my head right now.
VOICE 2
But if I was. Would I know that's a
real question?
VOICE 1
Would you know if you were in my
head?
VOICE 2
Would you know?
VOICE 1
Uh yeah. I would fucking know. If
it suddenly got too crowded in
there I would be the first to know.
VOICE 2
Too crowded how?
VOICE 1
Like more than one voice too
crowded.
VOICE 2
What if that one voice was always
someone else's voice? Say my voice.
VOICE 1
I'd say you're fucking high. Not
me.
VOICE 2
For all you know. The voice you've
grown so used to has been me. And
whatever voice you think is yours
is actually the imposter.
VOICE 1
Impossible theory. Also I told you
I would be the first to know if it
was too crowded up in this steel
trap of my mind.
VOICE 2
The doors to our minds are always
open. Not so much a steel trap as
it is a straw hut.
VOICE 1
You gonna lecture me about
something containing a metaphor
about a big bad wolf?
VOICE 2
I can't really explain it like the
guy on twitter did.
VOICE 1
Cause he's a genius.
VOICE 2
He is.
VOICE 1
So none of that was you?
VOICE 2
What you mean?
VOICE 1
Like here I am thinking this is the
most interesting you've ever been.
Nutty as hell but interesting.
Turns out it wasn't really you.
VOICE 2
But it was me. It came from my
mouth.
VOICE 1
Yeah but that twitter dude was in
your head. His voice not yours.
VOICE 2
I wouldn't really say--
VOICE 1
Listen, I won't hold it against
you.
VOICE 2
Hold what against me?
VOICE 1
Being interesting. I'll strike it
from the record.
Overheard Airline Pilot Convo
3 responses to “Overheard Airline Pilot Convo”
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This is so interesting, Tony!
They do seem like a comedy duo. What’s with the scissors and the bangs. I think that guy on Twitter may need a haircut too. Probably missed putting that in his bio.
You’re talented at manipulating words and the feelings they arouse. 🙂-
Thanks! That’s a very nice compliment. Lol I don’t know why he’s so obsessed with trying to give that guy a haircut. He just won’t leave him alone until he can cut him some bangs. Poor fella.
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Lol.
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tony espino 
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