Detective Murky: Kids, this is Bloody Cop here to tell you not to be filthy dirtbags.
Director: Let’s try that again. Little less adlib this time. And maybe put out the cigarette.
Detective Murky: Kids, Bloody Cop here to remind you about personal hygiene. Right now I’m brushing my teeth. Ain’t cause I want to, but because if I don’t they’ll fall out of damn head when I bite the fingers off of vagrants and jaywalkers and —
Director: Cut! Maybe we should–
Detective Murky: Relax. I got this, mister. Keep it rolling. Kids, there’s germs and maggots everywhere you look. Under every rock you’ll find some slimy piece of no good life. Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do to that life. The trick is you just keep on doing that so you don’t give yourself time to stop and reflect on the atrocities you committed. I’m a wise one. And now you are too. So brush your damn teeth already. Look at me. I’m what real personal hygiene looks like. This PSA was brought to you by me, Bloody Cop. Can I get a damn cigarette now?
Director: One more try. But maybe don’t aim your loaded .38 caliber at the kids watching at home this time. Let’s just see how that plays.