A Comedy Sketch About a Tightrope

EXT. TIGHTROPE – DAY
GEORGE stands on a platform about to step onto a tightrope.

GEORGE (to audience)
I’m about to cross this pit of hungry alligators on the World’s thinnest tightrope ever.

George carefully steps on the wire.

GEORGE (CONT’D)
No one has ever dared to attempt
this. History will be made today. Zero distractions please.

He takes a few cautious steps. His friend, CLARK, suddenly appears before him at the end of the wire.

CLARK
Hey, George! What are you doing?

George ignores him and takes another step.

CLARK (CONT’D)
Hey, George are you busy?

GEORGE
Clark, can’t you see I’m in the
middle of something?

CLARK
The middle’s over here. I’d say
you’re about a quarter of the way at best.

GEORGE
You think whatever it is can wait
until after I make history?

CLARK
Yeah, sure. It’s just Alice and I
broke up and I need to know that you’re still going to be my friend.

GEORGE
Yeah. Why wouldn’t I be?

CLARK
Because she thinks you’re going to

be her friend.

GEORGE
I really need no distractions right
now, Clark.

CLARK
No problem. I’ll let you do your
balance beam thing. Just think about who your friends are.

GEORGE
I’ll be friends with both of you.
Now, please, this is very dangerous I need complete silence.

George takes a deep breath and is about to take a step when ALICE appears on the platform behind him.

ALICE
Oh I don’t think so, George. You
don’t get to keep both of us, Mr Wobbly Legs.

CLARK
Leave him alone, Alice. He already
chose me.

GEORGE
I’m friends with both of you.

ALICE
You can’t split your time with us.
That’s not fair.

CLARK
Yeah, George. You’re not taking
away time I could be spending with you to hang out with HER.

ALICE
I’m the cooler friend. Remember all
the fun we had making fun of Clark when he fell out of a tree?

Clark easily steps onto the wire.

CLARK (to audience)
It’s OK I’m his friend. Alice easily steps onto the wire.

 

ALICE (to audience)
So am I.

GEORGE
Alice, what are you doing? You guys
have to get down. It’s too dangerous for you up here.

CLARK
I was his friend first, Alice.

ALICE
But you’re no fun.

CLARK
That’s not true. George, remember
all the fun we had playing Duck Hunt when
Alice was in the bathroom puking on New Years?

ALICE
You told me you were passed out.
They easily walk closer to George.

CLARK
Yeah, well I lied.

ALICE
You were playing Duck Hunt while I
had alcohol poisoning?

CLARK
It’s what friends do.
Right,George?

GEORGE
Uhh…I’m trying to make history
and you two aren’t supposed to be here.

ALICE
Hey, George. Remember all the fun
we had that time Clark fell asleep and we played truth or dare?

CLARK
Truth or what?

ALICE
And I dared you to kissed me with
your tongue because we were drunk
and your tongue looked cool.

 

GEORGE
Nope. That’s a weird thing to say.
Just going to walk across the World’s thinnest tightrope now.

CLARK
I thought we were friends?

Clark pushes George. George struggles to keep balance. Clark collapses on the wire. He cries out of his eyes.

GEORGE
You guys are going to get us killed
because this is not how you behave
on the World’s thinnest tightrope.

CLARK
It’s all about you isn’t it? I have
problems of my own too, George.

ALICE
Oh Clark, get it together. It was a
dare and he lost.

CLARK
So you guys didn’t…

ALICE
If we both jumped right now,
George, who would you save?

GEORGE
I can’t choose.

Alice stomps her foot.

ALICE
Who would you save?

CLARK
I would save you, Alice.

Clark stands up.

ALICE
Do you mean it?

Clark takes his shoe off and hops on one foot as he dumps a ring into his hand. He gets on one knee and looks past George.

CLARK
Alice, will you marry me?

Alice jumps up and down with excitement.

ALICE
Finally. Yes!

They hug each other with George in the middle.

ALICE (CONT’D) (to audience)
We’re getting married.

CLARK
Let’s get down. All these people
are waiting for a show or something to start.

Alice and George start ushering George off the wire.

GEORGE
Get your lovey-dovey hands off me.
I’m breaking a record.

ALICE
How about a congratulations?
They continue to usher him off.

CLARK
Can’t believe we were fighting over
being your friend.

GEORGE
World’s thinnest tightrope. Never
done before. Get off me.

Alice notices the alligators below.

ALICE
Don’t look down there’s crocodiles
below us.

GEORGE
They’re alligators and they’re
supposed to be there.

CLARK
Let’s get you down, buddy. It’s too
dangerous up here for you.

Blackout.