Before I wrote this I was falsely imprisoned for being awesome. I was in a holding cell and I wasn’t alone. No one was alone because we were all together.
I asked one fella what he was in for. Turns out he had AIDS. He didn’t stop complaining about it either. Everything out of his mouth was him whining about having AIDS. He would go on and on quoting lines from Rent. I reminded him that there were equally good quotes from Philadelphia. He thought Philadelphia was an over exaggeration of AIDS and therefore refused to quote it. I wasn’t going to force him, but I thought that it might be in my best interest to assert my power over someone in the cell to show my place in the food chain. As I was about to bite his tongue off a lady threw a hacksaw at my head and said she was a carpenter.
Now where was I in the food chain? Do I eat both of them?
Some vibrations tapped me on the back. I turned around to see a Rwandan man belly dancing. He tried to convince me to eat maggots. Someone told him they supplied your blood with an enzyme that prevents your blood from leaving your body when you get shanked. It sounded true. What do I even know about maggots?
The lady carpenter took to shooting snot rockets at the Rwandan belly dancer’s feet while the AIDS victim hummed Rent tunes. It was turning into a weird art exhibition. I was supposed to be the lion devouring my prey, instead I had become the audience. I had nothing to say.
They carried on like this for days without sleep. Then their eyes became heavy and one by one they struggled to keep them open. The Rwandan belly dancer closed his eyes and leaned against the metal bars. I looked over and the carpenter was sleeping on the AIDS victim’s shoulder who was also asleep.
It was too quiet so I snored for them. I sat beside each one and snored how I imagined they would snore. I finally got to be part of their art exhibit. I was the imprisoned snore. Something everyone can relate to. A real snorer’s snore.
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