The Deaf Monster

The inspiration for this piece came as I was trying to punish the evil drag queen of Emptyville with my vocal stylings of Claudia Schiffer having an orgasm with a roll of hundred dollar bills. The evil drag queen loved my interpretation and in fact yearned for more.

I needed to invent a new punishment. After taking my brain into the shop for some rewiring I ran into my old music teacher. He was now a murder 101 teacher but still gave me wise advice. I don’t remember what it was, but I saw that his wife was training a legend of mutants in his backyard.

She had hoped to align their chi in such a way as to melt the minds of all her bill collectors. They were all responding well, except for one. Of course he would be difficult, after all, this mutant had mouths where his ears belonged. They really goofed this one back at the lab. He couldn’t listen to her commands and was in a constant state of speaking three different things simultaneously.

She gave him to me as a way of saying that she hates me. I poured three Jolt Colas in his mouths and unveiled him to the evil drag queen. I watched from the safety of a sound proof booth as the mutant talked the evil drag queen’s ears off. Brain goo oozed out of the earholes onto my new hard metal floor.

I knew I would never see anything as amazing as this is so I tried to hang myself, but I was too drunk to tie a slipknot. When I began to research the proper way to tie a slipknot I became fascinated with the huge variety of knots in existence. And to think if I had hanged myself I would have missed out on a truly forgotten art form that I was falling in love with. Turns out that’s all I was really looking for was a way to express myself through knots.