TONY ESPINO LEAVING HERE ORIGINAL DATE 7/22/15
INT. BEDROOM – DAY
ELROY is packing a suitcase and arguing with SHEILA.
I can’t believe you’re leaving me.
I’m sorry, Sheila. I’m just
following my passion.
By joining a rescue squad?
It’s not just any rescue squad. I
wouldn’t leave you for just any
rescue squad. It’s a rescue squad
You just going to rescue yourself
It’s for endangered dicks, Sheila.
I thought if anyone would
understand, it would be you!
You never told me you had such a
passion for dick saving.
Sometimes when you’re sleeping, I
wake up. And I stare for hours in
the night sky thinking of all those
penises in peril.
You mean you don’t watch me sleep
and think about how cute I am?
Dicks, Sheila. Midnight dicks. Two
a.m. dicks. 3:32 in the morning
But I’m so cute when I’m sleeping.
Breakfast dicks. Ride to work
dicks. Water cooler dicks.
But you can still love me and save
dicks at the same time. I won’t
But you will mind. When I come home
and my hands are dirty from saving
dicks all day. You won’t want to be
Don’t tell me what my heart wants,
Elroy. Just tell me you love me.
I do love you. But I’m IN love with
My heart is breaking, Elroy.
I wish I could fix it, but I must
Oh! If only my heart were a bushel
of dicks! You would save them.
If they were tied to the train
tracks then maybe, Sheila. Maybe.
Hey! Before you go. If I ever grow a dick–
Shh. Don’t talk like that. WHEN you
grow a dick.