TONY ESPINO FIREMAN V1.1 ORIGINAL DRAFT 6/17/15
INT. LIVING ROOM – NIGHT
OLIVE is waiting impatiently when her son, BART, walks in.
You’re late, Bart! Where the hell
have you been?
I’ve been all over the place, ma.
Places you wouldn’t even dream of.
Were you in the park playing
checkers with that homeless man
Stop calling dad homeless. He’s got
his own bush.
That’s a good thing, because I know
one bush he’s not welcome in
That’s gross, ma.
Your mom’s got a hairy bush, get
over it Bart. Should I be more like
your dad since you think he’s so
She uses her finger as a mustache.
Hey everybody look at my mustache.
I bet you think I’m a fireman. But
the only ladder I’m climbing is
into my neighbor’s bedroom when my
But dad IS a real fireman.
Just because he pees on fire
hydrants doesn’t make him a
She pretends to be him peeing on a hydrant.
Look at me draining my stupid man
lizard on this fire hydrant so
you’ll think I’m a fireman.
Dad said you would do this. And to
tell you that even though he was
having a threesome next door,
that he was looking at your picture
the whole time.
So he could last longer.
He’s trying to torture everyone
I’m leaving here, mom. I came to
tell you I’m going to live in the
bush with dad and Uncle Turbo.
You don’t have an Uncle Turbo!
I do now.
So I guess this is goodbye?
I guess so. Since I want to be a
fireman myself one day it only
makes sense to live with one.
He’s not a fireman! But I guess
this is goodbye.
Goodbye to your Playstation and
your Nintendo and your fire truck
bed with the mustache pillow cases.
Not the mustache pillow cases!
Then get to your room! You have
Yeah, and it’s career day.
Oh. That’s right. All the moms are
excited because dad is going to
tell everyone about being a
He’s not a fireman!