Ancient Betsy

TONY ESPINO ANCIENT BETSY V1.1 ORIGINAL DRAFT 5/19/2015

INT. BATHROOM

BETSY is staring in the mirror talking to ELROY standing
behind her. She’s scrunching her face in unnatural positions.

BETSY
Look at this wrinkle on my
forehead. I’m ancient.

ELROY
(sarcastic)
Yup. You’re so ancient.

BETSY
I’m like dying right before my
eyes. This sucks.

ELROY
You’re not dying. You’re scrunching
your face up. Of course you have
wrinkles.

BETSY
No. Not true. Look. Even when I
don’t scrunch my face there’s a
huge wrinkle in my forehead.

ELROY
I don’t see anything.

Betsy turns and faces Elroy.

BETSY
Look closer.

ELROY
There’s barely anything there.

BETSY
I knew it. You hate me. You think
I’m ugly and old and a dried up
prude.

ELROY
I never said any of that.

Betsy turns back to the mirror.

BETSY
I’m 26, but I look like a thousand
year old mummy.

ELROY
Mummies are really well preserved.
So are you.

BETSY
(on verge of tears)
I’m not a preservative! I’m
supposed to be young and hot and
sexy. Look…a grey hair. That
means my soul has already begun
leaving my decrepit body.

ELROY
If it makes you feel better I
couldn’t even tell you had grey
hair. All I ever noticed were your
dead ends.

BETSY
I can’t believe you’ve been
secretly hating me because of my
dead ends!

ELROY
I thought you would like that I
took notice of something.

BETSY
Not something that makes me look
stupid and ugly.

ELROY
No it’s cool like you’re not
trying too hard or whatever.

BETSY
God. Can’t you just tell me I’m
beautiful?

ELROY
You’re beautiful.

BETSY
(relieved)
Thank you.

ELROY
Can we go return this movie to
Redbox now?

Blackout.