Categories
comedy fiction flash fiction humor writers writing

Phantom Vol. 1

Phantom is the story, told by a narrator behind the wheel of a car, about a Phantom made out of loneliness by a Mad Lady. His unusual adventures begin when he becomes part of someone’s art collection against his will. 
Each folder entry seems to be composed of two parts: the narrator’s own journal entry and the story of the Phantom. The pages were lost and scattered over time and are just now beginning to be discovered. Volume 1 has been assembled in the same order in which the pages have been found to this point.

Categories
books comedy esoteric funny horror humor strange weird writers writing

Pinecone Venesection

pinecone venesection-page-001
pinecone venesection-page-002

Categories
art fiction Illustration writing

Dream Realm Got Your Eyes? Not With Tarantula Milk Lotion.

Tarantula Milk Lotion and other fine exotic products and services can be found in the pages of Coffee Pots! A Magazine of Unusual.

PicsArt_07-01-04.41.11

Categories
art design fiction film humor Illustration writing

The Dreams of Left Handers Now Available at Mind Blasters

From the pages of Coffee Pots! A Magazine of Unusual:PicsArt_06-13-07.52.40

Categories
art comedy fiction magazines strange writing

Angel Worms. A Perfect Stocking Stuffer!

Ad from Coffee Pots! A Magazine of Unusual. Order yours today!PicsArt_06-16-05.49.26

Categories
art comedy design entertainment fiction magazines writing

Certified Birds. Great gift for the holiday season!

Ad from Coffee Pots! A Magazine of Unusual

PicsArt_06-15-09.59.03

Categories
absurd art comedy design fiction graphic magazines writing

Ink for your Baby’s Face

Ad from Coffee Pots! A Magazine of Unusualpicsart_06-26-06.14.40

Categories
art books comedy fiction writing

Surreal Indie Novel

Do you like Bigfoot clones on acid? What about talking flowers? Strange lands? Great. Here’s a book that’s just a real joy to read if you find yourself in prison or alone with the windows shut and the gas on.


Orphan Of Reality

Categories
art comedy hip hop lyrics music writing

True Song Meaning | Beyonce “Die With You”

Lyrics:
I don’t have a reason to cry
And I have every reason to smile
I don’t have a reason to lie
When you’re already reading my mind
And I don’t have a reason to be, if I can’t be with you
And I don’t need air in my lungs, if I can’t sing your song
No, I don’t need hands if I don’t get to keep you warm
And I don’t really need myself, if I don’t need you
Cause darling I wake up just to sleep with you
I open my eyes so I could see with you
And I live so I can die with you
And I don’t really need these fingers,
if I don’t get to touch your spine
Well I don’t need these legs,
if I ain’t walking by your side
And I don’t really need to be
f I can’t be with you
Cause darling I wake up just to sleep with you
I open my eyes so I could see with you
And I live so I can die with you
Cause darling I wake up just to sleep with you
I open my eyes so I could see with you
And I live so I can die with you
I live so I can die with you
TRUE MEANING:

– Beyonce just opened a card from someone claiming to be her clone.

– Her clone proposes that they melt themselves together with marshmallows or a similar sticky object in the toaster oven. The motive behind this is to become one with Beyonce. One person. One Beyonce. Many marshmallows.

– In far too many words Beyonce is saying, “You think toaster ovens are hot? Check out this hand.” She then opens an old tin box. An aroma of severed, wet cat tails leaps from the box. Inside the box is a former Beyonce hand wrapped loosely in a Big Mac wrapper. There’s old lettuce stuck between the ring finger and pinky. Beyonce’s been looking for that. She tells her clone, “This is the hand I used to give the middle finger to the rest of Destiny’s Child at the end of our Destiny Fulfilled…and Lovin It tour.”

– Beyonce begins to realize that saying no to her clone is saying no to herself. She thinks, How far deep into this rabbit hole have I gone? Did I pack enough boob glitter for this journey?

– The clone is doing shifty eyes at Beyonce that say, “I have a crippling fear of being urinated on by a tree frog, also I’m pregnant.”

– Beyonce knows the baby will own dry eyes of its own at birth so she says, “Fine. I’ll be your eyes, clone baby.” The clone laughs knowing she has Beyonce where she wants her. Beyonce thinks this laughter is out of place at her birthday party so she frantically searches for a tree frog. She finds two and ties them together. She tells her clone to look at some sky writing behind her that really wasn’t there and then throws the frogs at her.

– In her mind she’s saying, I’m Beyonce-Z. I live to kill my clones and their babies. Out loud she says, “Oh my god let’s have a baby shower!”

Categories
art comedy humor

Drawing Fast. S1 E1 repeat

Drawing Fast: Not A User’s Guide To Gunslinging

How To Draw The Morning After Lisa